The BLACK Pearl Taboo

          Being in the spotlight has never been something I've enjoyed. To be acknowledged and given your flowers sounds nice in theory, but the execution can cause quite the discomfort. At least for me it does. I guess while growing up I learned that having attention on you was a bad thing. Say you get in trouble at school. Not only is the teacher calling you out, but your classmates follow suit with their eyes and oohs. Even if it wasn't anything troublesome being committed on my end, capturing the attention of others (intentional or not) was deemed a form of showing out. I guess that's what they consider to be Tallest Poppy Syndrome.      As stated by Robert Gibson, "Tall Poppy Syndrome is a metaphor used to describe the practice of devaluing those who are particularly prominent or proud. It involves the societal inclination to cut down individuals who are experiencing success in larger volumes than what is considered the norm."   ...

       I took that break up terribly. I lost my appetite, began to lose weight, my anxiety and depressive episodes hit an all time high, I considered getting medicated, I considered the consequences of not doing anything and letting the feelings subdue me, I re-evaluated ALL of my perspectives on life, I questioned my faith, I cried constantly, I prayed on my hands and knees still choking back tears, and I shrouded my sadness in community until I felt better. I prayed for him back. I prayed that he would come back for me, pretty please. I prayed for a sign if we were meant to be. I prayed that if we weren’t, that the Lord would take my feelings away. They kind of went away. I began to find it difficult to want someone who so clearly did not want me. It was apparent. The way he would barely respond to my text messages if at all. The way he looked at me after not seeing each other for months. The way he was the one ready to end the conversation and leave, when it was a...

    I’m going through a breakup. Well, I’ve gone through a majority of it I guess. I’ve never experienced this before. It’s honestly been a roller coaster of emotions, as cliche as that may sound. Somedays I view him as a villain who never really cared about me. Sometimes I see him as a sweetheart that I just wasn’t meant for. Other days I feel like he was able to get to know me on the surface, but just kind of wound up stuck there. Most days it just hurts. It was a three month relationship, but most of my days were filled with him. Constant texting, a constant thread of thoughts that I didn’t think would end. But it was only three months. Why does it hurt so bad?     Those first couple of days I didn’t have an appetite. I ate enough to keep functioning, but it felt like there was no room left in my body. It had become overgrown with grief, yearning, confusion, and frustration. I was caught between wanting to throw up or let my bottom fall out from all of m...

             There was a time when I was an English major in college, striving to become an investigative journalist for The New York Times. I was taking four English classes and one business class to go towards my minor. It was in one of the English classes that I had a certain professor. She was an older woman with a deep love for literature. She was engaging and relatable, but also maintained a firmness in her expectations for students. She was understanding of the fact that the school system had failed many any of us, so she made sure to give our writing grace. I'm not so sure that the grace extended the other way.      Sometimes, some professors seem to have an image of what intelligence looks like premade in their mind. What it might present as. What it may sound like when it speaks. In our modern society, however, it is apparent that intelligence can take on many forms and appearances. It may show up in the kid wearing a fray...

  [8:26AM] 7/1/25    "I prayed "The Prayer" a good minute ago, and it has come to pass. I have lost 5 people, 4 of which I was not particularly close to, but we were cordial and on good terms, or at least I believed that to be the case. I know that God doesn't move without reason, so I desire to know, what was the reason? In what ways were they bad for me? Or was I bad for them?       Lately, I've been taking a lot more notice of my faults and places that I fall short as a person. No one is perfect, so being flawed doesn't make you a bad  character. But I can't help but wonder if I've worked myself up to be on a pedestal that doesn't actually represent me. Accurately represent me. Every part of me. Not just the cute overview I'm programmed to give. Maybe I've become so caught up in trying to sell myself to other people, that I didn't consider that me, as a product, isn't everything. I can't do everything. I can't be everyth...